Avoidance –

Have you ever wondered why you put things off? The thing is you know it’s got to be done sometime and it’s going to niggle at you until you face up! Which are the the most usual tasks to be left for later? Ask yourself why. What makes you want to put certain tasks to one side? Discomfort? Can it be that we stay in the cosy lane because some things are just too tough to face up to?

We can stop building up stress in our lives by understanding why we avoid facing up to things – Leo Babauta’s  Face everything technique is a great guide to doing just this!

The Face Everything Technique

This technique is based on the idea that it’s better to be aware of things, and to deal with them like an adult, instead of running.

And if we do, none of it’s that big of a deal.

Here’s how it works:

1. Create awareness by asking, “What am I doing right now?”Throughout the day, set reminders or put little notes that remind you to ask, “What am I doing right now?” The answer might be, “Checking Facebook,” or “Switching to a new browser tab,” or “Eating some chips.” Something simple and mundane like that, but just ask yourself what you’re doing, to start to bring awareness.
2. Next, ask yourself, “What am I avoiding?” When things get difficult o body in the present moment. How bad is it? You’ll find that it’s No Big Deal. Stay with it for a little longer. And a little longer after that — challenge yourself.
3. Take appropriate action. Now that you’ve faced it and have seen that it’s not such a big deal, you can act like an adult rather than a little child: you can decide what the best action is right now. If you’re afraid of doing some task, but you’ve faced it and seen that the fear is not such a big deal … you can remind yourself that the task will benefit you and others, and is much more important than your little fear. If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with someone because you’re angry, you can see that the anger and offense is not such a big deal, and you can talk to the person calmly and appropriately, with empathy and compassion, and figure out a solution.

Read the entire article, you might see the light!

The Face Everything Technique: Why Avoiding Difficulties Doesn’t Work

 

Morning

September  was once a month I loved without reserve. Autumn arriving, those cooler days, and my favourite colours, beautiful golds, browns, russets appeared in the landscsape.

That was Australia. Now I’m in Sweden September brings with it a tinge of regret – the summer is over. Although we still have lovely bright days the temperature is slowing dropping, the dew lingers longer and the evenings a bit chilly. Still the colours compensate a little and I remind myself mindfully – enjoy the moment. So waking up this September morning to a wonderful sunny sky I seized the moment and remembering Leo Barbauta’s wonderful words about daybreak I started a new project.

To reiterate………

The Daybreak: Make an Important Goal Happen with a Morning Habit.

The sun begins to come up, and the first rays of light begin to shine upon this fresh day.

What do you do with this time?

The most important thing.

If you have a project you want to happen (let’s say you want to write a book), this is the time to form a habit that will make that project happen. A morning writing habit will get the book done. Simply wishing for the book to get written, or saying you’ll do it “someday,” doesn’t make it happen.

If it’s important, you’ll make a morning habit of it:

• If you want to lose weight, create a morning walking habit. Or morning strength training. Or a healthy breakfast with fruits and veggies.
• If you want to start a new business, create a morning session where you work on it every morning.
• If you want to become more mindful during your day, create a morning meditation habit.
• If you want to work on your relationship with your spouse, have a morning habit of talking about your relationship over coffee.
• If you want to journal, make it a morning habit.

Why is morning a better time for important habits? Why not afternoons or evenings? Well, I’m biased, because I really love the mornings. But I’ve found the time to be quieter, less chaotic, better for reflection and focus. Some people will work better in the late nights, but I’m usually tired by then. So figure out what time is your magic time — I think for most people that will be mornings, but not all.

I’ve done pretty much all my important achievements through morning habits: I trained for several marathons by running in the morning, created this blog and wrote numerous books with a morning writing habit, have improved mindfulness through morning meditation, and became a regular exerciser and healthy eater. I’ve had morning walks, done morning journaling, morning yoga, and morning talks with Eva.

There are great habits you can create in the afternoons and evenings too, but I recommend trying a morning habit if you have something important you want to get done.

Make it a habit, and do it first.   Sourced from Zen habits.net

Förståelse av acceptans

Mindfulness innebär att uppmärksamma på syftet, i nuet, med kvaliteter som medkänsla, nyfikenhet och acceptans.
Acceptans är en av de mest hjälpsamma attityder i mindfulness. Acceptans innebär att uppfatta din upplevelse och helt enkelt erkänna det snarare än att döma det som bra eller dåligt. Genom att erkänna känslan, tanke eller förnimmelsen och gå in på det, upplever vi förändringar.

Anna Kåver berättar – Inom den västerländska kulturen övervärderar vi i allmänhet känslomässig kontroll. Det är ett stort och intressant ämne som jag har fördjupat mig i, i boken Att leva ett liv, inte vinna ett krig….

Med acceptans menas att välja att se, ha och stå ut med både den inre och den yttre verkligheten utan att fly, undvika, förvränga eller döma den och att handla utifrån denna verklighet effektivt och i enlighet med dina värderingar och mål.

Med andra ord behöver vi acceptera verkligheten som den är och agera förnuftigt för att förändra det vi inte vill ha.

Acceptans kan göra oss mer positiva, avslappnade, flexibla och kreativa i vårt tänkande om hur vi kan göra för att övervinna våra svårigheter.

Acceptans betyder inte att tycka att något är bra, önskvärt eller att ”vända” något negativ till något positiv. Acceptans är heller inte det samma som passivitet och uppgivenhet.

Titti Holmer, i sin bok Lycka nu; förklarar…….Acceptans betyder inte att du ger upp, att du inte bryr dig, att du passivt uthärdar eller ger upp planerna för något bättre. Nej, visst inser du att du vill lämna situationen, men du lämnar tankarna på förändring och fokuserar på nuet utan att värdera det. Acceptans betyder helt enkelt att du ger upp ditt krig mot tillvaron och slutat kämpa emot det som är. Du väljer att välja flödet i livet istället för att motarbeta det.

När du har det riktigt svårt, vänd dig till nuet. Allt som far genom ditt huvud just nu, det är bara tankar. Det går inte att tänka sig ur dessa tankar eller tänka sig ur situationen – för de existerar inte. Du kanske har ett starkt obehag i kroppen just nu. Det är ett problem, ja. Men inte värre än att du står ut med det. Du vet att det kommer att gå över. Du har alltid en förmåga att hantera nuet, men du kan aldrig hantera en inbillad framtid. Och det behöver du inte heller. Eftersom framtiden inte finns.

Andas, tillåt dig känna kroppen och känslorna. Ge det hela din uppmärksamhet bara en liten stund. Ta ett djupt andetag. Mer smärtsamt än såhär blir det inte. Släpp ditt motstånd. Säg ja till det som är. En av livets viktigaste lärodomar är att tillåta sig att känna det man känner.

Så när livet överväldigar dig – fokusera inte på måsten i framtiden utan se vad du kan göra här och nu.

Källa:  Anna Kåver – leg. Psykolog, leg. Psykoterapeut, handledare i KBT och specialist i klinisk psykologi.

Titti Holmer – legitimerad psykolog, föreläsare och författare till succéboken Lycka nu. Som en av Sveriges främsta experter på mindfulness.

Therapeutic writing and Mindfulness

 

Being wrongly accused on the phone of having taken part in a devious deal my ex had instigated, I was upset, hurt and finally a little irritated when the accusing party suddenly hung up when I was mid sentence trying to explain. My anger and frustration were also directed at my x. This was yet another example of why I divorced him! How many thousand times had I been put on the spot; gotten myself mixed up with his problems.

Then I hear my daughter’s voice saying, “calm down, breathe do a meditation”.

Mindfulness of course – I am always recommending this resource to everyone – be in the moment.  I needed to apply the attitude of non judging, to step back, observe my thoughts, follow my breathing and just be aware of my mind judging – good, bad, nasty, wrong.  Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “If we are to find a more effective way of handling the stress in our lives, the first thing we will need to do is to be aware of these automatic judgments so that we can see through our own prejudices and fears and liberate ourselves from their tyranny. Ok, a little breathing, relax, there! Now acceptance;  I don’t have to give up on the situation, just accept that at this moment that’s how things are, accept the situation and the feelings and just allow it to pass.

I feel calmer, although the knot in my stomach, the emotional effect of anger, is still noticeable. Need another go at it!

I started therapeutic writing a few years back but I had forgotten how effective just writing down your thoughts on paper without bothering about spelling or grammar can be. I was prompted to try again now after reading an article by Nicky Hajal about morning pages, just writing what comes into your head!  

I feel an urge to write about this, get it down,” listen” more closely to my thoughts to do the exact opposite of what one is supposed to do with them in mindfulness meditation. So, relax, listen to what’s going on in your head, pay attention to them explore them, get to the bottom of them. I went through the nasty little phone call again on paper this time.

The word lessons came up; I’m at last starting to see how situations may be ways to help me approach my feelings and emotions and understand them better.

Thankful..Mm…  I can’t say I’m thankful for having been accused like this or maybe? Life is meant to be experience; we grow through finding ourselves outside our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to understand that new experiences are opportunity.

After reading through my writing I was struck by the similarity of comfortable relaxed, calm feelings very similar to how I feel after a Mindfulness meditation. I realized that now I am equipped two very different ways to tackle situations and come up with a similar, very helpful solution.

Have a Mindfulness Christmas!

How about actually including Mindfulness into your Christmas  – de-stress, relax a bit with these  five tips for a merry Mindfulness Christmas.

• Drinking mindfully: You can be mindful even when you are drinking. Whenever you take a sip just remember to taste the drink as much as you can. Feel the sensation of the taste buds. Try to forget all your other senses, concentrate on the flavor of the drink while you feel the liquid passing down your mouth. Feel all its flavors while it dwells in your mouth and starts to sink down. Whenever you drink mindfully you will be aware of the sensation the drink brings – you will feel the satisfaction more and enjoy the drink certainly more.

 

• Preparing Food: Christmas is all about good food and celebrations. You can practice a lot of mindfulness even when you are handling or cooking food. You can simply practice mindfulness using a few simple steps. Handle food just as you would handle your eyeballs. Be very gentle with the food you have when you are preparing meals. You can practice mindfulness when you are chopping vegetables. Concentrate on the blade, its movements– it’s an excellent idea to practice mindfulness and trying not to chop your fingers. Try and focus in making uniform chops. Chopping vegetables finely will help in practicing mindfulness during Christmas time when you are spending a lot of time cooking and preparing.

 

• Create your mindful moments: During Christmas holidays why don’t you savor all those moments which are important for you!! These can be your time spent with all your loved ones – can be kids, parents, friends or friends. Be calm and recollect all happy and memorable past holidays. It is surely going to distress you and give you immense satisfaction.

 

• Walking: Christmas is the time for socializing and moving around with friends. You may be walking with friends, going to Church or just walking your dog – don’t miss out the chance of practicing mindfulness. You just need to pick up a 1 sense perception. Just focus your mind on that particular sense. For example, you are walking with your friends – you can concentrate on all cars which are passing by or on the birds which are chirping.

 

• Gratitude: With all the frantic buying of presents and eating excessively, you may find yourself stressed and anxious. Try and be a little more calm and happy by remembering what it going well in your life. Even if your dad makes a big fuss about the turkey, or you son is miserable he didn’t get that new computer, there are probably many things that are going well. The presence of your family, your friends or perhaps your cute dog. Let the stocking this Christmas be filled with gratitude!

Merry Mindfulness Christmas  – and remember your breathing!

Source -Shamash Alidina MA(Ed.)

http://learnmindfulness.co.uk/