Being wrongly accused on the phone of having taken part in a devious deal my ex had instigated, I was upset, hurt and finally a little irritated when the accusing party suddenly hung up when I was mid sentence trying to explain. My anger and frustration were also directed at my x. This was yet another example of why I divorced him! How many thousand times had I been put on the spot; gotten myself mixed up with his problems.
Then I hear my daughter’s voice saying, “calm down, breathe do a meditation”.
Mindfulness of course – I am always recommending this resource to everyone – be in the moment. I needed to apply the attitude of non judging, to step back, observe my thoughts, follow my breathing and just be aware of my mind judging – good, bad, nasty, wrong. Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “If we are to find a more effective way of handling the stress in our lives, the first thing we will need to do is to be aware of these automatic judgments so that we can see through our own prejudices and fears and liberate ourselves from their tyranny. Ok, a little breathing, relax, there! Now acceptance; I don’t have to give up on the situation, just accept that at this moment that’s how things are, accept the situation and the feelings and just allow it to pass.
I feel calmer, although the knot in my stomach, the emotional effect of anger, is still noticeable. Need another go at it!
I started therapeutic writing a few years back but I had forgotten how effective just writing down your thoughts on paper without bothering about spelling or grammar can be. I was prompted to try again now after reading an article by Nicky Hajal about morning pages, just writing what comes into your head!
I feel an urge to write about this, get it down,” listen” more closely to my thoughts to do the exact opposite of what one is supposed to do with them in mindfulness meditation. So, relax, listen to what’s going on in your head, pay attention to them explore them, get to the bottom of them. I went through the nasty little phone call again on paper this time.
The word lessons came up; I’m at last starting to see how situations may be ways to help me approach my feelings and emotions and understand them better.
Thankful..Mm… I can’t say I’m thankful for having been accused like this or maybe? Life is meant to be experience; we grow through finding ourselves outside our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to understand that new experiences are opportunity.
After reading through my writing I was struck by the similarity of comfortable relaxed, calm feelings very similar to how I feel after a Mindfulness meditation. I realized that now I am equipped two very different ways to tackle situations and come up with a similar, very helpful solution.